i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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