It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
