The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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