obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
