so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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