I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
