I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
