I didn't shave. On purpose
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
