I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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