Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
