why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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