oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
