I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
