Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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