Moan for me like Helen Keller
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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