the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
