Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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