Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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