I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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