She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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