I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
