tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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