I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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