bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
