It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
