I could have mohawked her pubes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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