Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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