Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
