This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
