My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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