I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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