You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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