its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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