i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
