The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
