Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
