chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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