After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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