I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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