So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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