a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
