would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
