I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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