Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
