He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
