Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
