I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
