Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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