So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
where are my eyebrows?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
