the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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