I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You pole danced in your parka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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